idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
