i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
