Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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