i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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