so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
