Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
