I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
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Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
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I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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