we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
