Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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