he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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