I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
