You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
