I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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