I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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