and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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