my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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