Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
