made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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