guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
