Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
