my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
