i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
