I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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