The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
