she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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