woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
