I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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