apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
