My hair reeks of homosexuality.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
