Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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