I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
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Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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