Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
