How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
