I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
