I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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