How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
