I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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