i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Found the puke drawer
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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