Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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