i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
