It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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