I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
