Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
