the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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