There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
