Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
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I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
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New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.