If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?