maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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