Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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