Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
