I hate your face
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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