I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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