I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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