I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
