her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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