At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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