just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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