Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
