sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
