New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
