i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize