We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
sex in a hospital.. check
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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