Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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