A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would fuck him just for his dog
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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