I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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