Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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