And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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