hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.