I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.