This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek