3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Never let your siblings swipe right.