david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.