My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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