I love black thongs
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
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rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested