I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
