it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
