im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
