i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
third nipple confirmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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