Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
