I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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