SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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