i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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