um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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