matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
