so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You may now shotgun with the bride
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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