I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
