Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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