you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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