I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
