Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
