just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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