Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
